City Mouse

Once a hood rat, always a hood rat. ‘Cept now I know what a paddock is and how to drive a transport truck without crashing (most of the time). Farm lyfe with my baby girl, Hollz.

Once a hood rat, always a hood rat. ‘Cept now I know what a paddock is and how to drive a transport truck without crashing (most of the time). Farm lyfe with my baby girl, Hollz.

Feb 22, 2018

Binya, New South Wales, Australia

 You know I've lived at the farm for almost three months now. It's at the point where I'm so comfortable I can go pee in the night without turning the lights on and know how to get to the bathroom and back. I really know my surroundings, you know?

 Today I was in a fabulous mood because no one was home. I was blasting music, dancing and singing to myself. Figured I'd wash my hair because my boss wasn't home and then I could use all her hair products.

I waltz to the shower, butt naked, with my speaker. I'm grooving, I'm so happy. And just as I'm about to get into the shower, the very step before, as I'm looking into the mirror, singing away, I feel this crunch and what can only be described as the feeling of a small explosion taking part under my foot and I realize not only have I just stepped on a dead mouse, but I've now exploded the little guy all over the bathroom.

I scream so loud I imagine all the glass in the world shattering. The dog is barking outside trying to get in to save me, and I fall to the floor, covered in guts, and sob about how it's basically all over.

As I lay there, sure I'll never be whole again, with the little mouses STILL WARM insides on my foot my bosses husband (whom I suppose is technically my boss too) runs in, sure I'm being slaughtered.

"Ahh!" He yells, covering his eyes when he sees me lying on the floor, naked, beside the murdered (ok he was already dead) carcass of mini mouse.

"GET OUT JEFF CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENED HERE!" I scream, crying.

"Uh no..." He says, eyes closed, but handing me a towel as if he expects the fact that I'm naked to be the real problem here.

"I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO WALK ACROSS THIS FLOOR WITHOUT FEAR OF STEPPING ON A DEAD MOUSE AGAIN!"

Jeff pauses, just a second, and goes, "Well I guess it's a good thing you're leaving in a few days then," bends over and picks up the dead mouse in his BARE HAND and throws him out the window. No funeral or anything.

I suppose the morale of this story is not only am I completely insane, but there is a big difference between city people vs country.